I’ve been a stay at home mom since my daughter was 18 months old. It has been the biggest and most wonderful blessing of my life. Since I started staying home with her we’ve added two more loud and lovely ladies to our crew and my oldest just flew the coop to kindergarten.
It’s amazing and exhausting and wonderful and I AM SO DAMN BORED.
I listen to the same theme song over and over again, it’s jarring notes cascading into my brain and assaulting my senses. I’m harassed 87 times a day for a snack. I grocery shop, fold laundry, wipes noses and asses and troll Pinterest just to feel a special brand of inadequate.
I am stuck in the groundhogs day that is early motherhood, it is grinding and exhausting. That doesn’t mean it isn’t wonderful, it doesn’t mean I would trade it for anything but it’s ok to exist in the duality of overwhelming joy and soul crushing boredom.
I know in ten years I’ll crave these simple years of paw patrol and goldfish. Old ladies in the checkout at the grocery store have told me many times. When my girls are lining up to roll their eyes at me and slip out the door on their way to a friends house alone I’ll stare at my empty living room and miss when it was scattered with toys and granola bar wrappers. But it doesn’t mean I’m any less bored out of my skull most days when the most intellectual question I get is whether Nala and Simba are indeed brother and sister (BUT FOR REAL ARE THEY?)
There are many days where I want to join an all moms fight club just to feel alive again but I’m learning to sit with the boredom. I’m learning the great art of just being, of observing my children and soaking in the precious and fleeting seconds of their childhood. I’d say I achieve this higher level of being for about 17 seconds a day but it’s a work in progress.
So to all the other bored moms out there who haven’t changed your yoga pants in a week and are tripping on dry shampoo fumes I see you. It’s ok to be so blissfully and incredibly bored you want to jump out of your skin on a daily basis. It’s ok to fantasize about sending a nuclear warhead straight at the bubble gup while stroking your toddlers downy head and realizing you wouldn’t trade this shit for the world.